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Banter

The Banter

One of the most alluring elements of the GAA is its numerous characters with their endless wit. This has often made the long walk to Croke Park on All Ireland Sunday or a soaking at a winter league match all the more worthwhile. Sadly too often, this classic sideline banter has gone unrecorded.

Sean McDermotts has had its own share of characters and humorists and the 50thcelebrations will not only recall great players and epic battles but also the great craic that was had over the years.

Hear are just a few classic sayings and stories recaled by some of our members:

'As long as you have a hole in your arse you'll never be a footballer'
Chris McLean

'He couldn't hurl snow off a rope'
Oliver Cuddy

'Have you got any boots?'
Brendan Nannery

'I haven't got any change'
Brendan Nannery

'Honestly ref, he ran into me'
Tommy Dowling (the Kerry minor)

'Don't argue with the ref, he isn't going to change his mind'
           2 minutes later
'Ref your nothing but a bo??!!ks'
Eddie Hanlon

'Ask not, what Sean McDermotts' can do for me, but what can I do for Sean McDermotts'
John F Kennedy 1962

'Just keep going, of course it'll fit under there'- Edmund Meeghan when guiding a double decker coach under a low bridge on the way to the Club Football Final'
    2 minutes later
'The bus is stuck, who the f??k said it would fit under there'
Edmund Meeghan

'Catch it with your two hands youngfella, a bird never flew on one wing' - Jimmy smith trying to convey to under age players the art of high fielding

'Spread out into a bunch lads'
Gerry Smith coaching the underage (badly)

'It's no good heading to the station when the train is pulling out' - a ferocious half tim bollocking when the backs weren't marking tight enough
Noel McLean

'There was heavy pulling in the first 5 minutes, then the referee started the match' - newspaper commentary on a tough Club Championship Hurling Tie

Larry Moore to Oliver Cuddy - 'What year did Chris McLean retire?'
'I'm not quite sure' - replied Cuddy - 'but a few lads came back out of retirement the same year' 

Comments from Opponents

'even if you outplay McDermotts, you'll never out drink them'
'you haven't beaten McDermotts until thery're back in the dressing room'
'they're like the f!!??ing Mafia, if you hit one, you've hit the whole team'

'No that's not him at all, the fella who knocked me out was 6'4" - disbelief from the big full forward after being levelled by the diminutive Micky Dowling 

Pass the ball to Reilly

An anonymous supporter is heard to say at Glebe Farm one afternoon - ' Pass the ball to Reilly'

so a young Sean Reilly (in the 80's) receives the ball, beats two defenders and drives the ball straight over the bar

'Reilly you're a mighty young fella' - came the call from the sideline

The very next ball comes out, same anonymous supporter - 'Give it to Reilly, Give it to Reilly' - Sean Reilly receives the ball, beats his man, shoots but drives the ball wide

Same anonymous supporter - 'Reilly, you're nothing but a bo!!?cks' 

Pat Sweeney - The Unsympathetic Physio

An injured hurler makes his way to the dug out in the county final only to be met by Pat Sweeney -
'Pat, I've broke my hand'
Sweeney replies - 'Put some water on it and we'll change you at half time'
Same match, another player - 'Pat, my head is split open, I'll need some stitches'
Sweeney replies - 'Stop complaining, I've had worse cuts picking blackberries' 

Belfast Airport 1996

Head of Airport Security lecturing to the 15 club members who weren't allowed on the plane after a club trip to Bellaghy (1996) -
'Now lads it's like this, you're all too drunk to get on the plane and there isn't another flight tonight. So be back here at six in the morning and don't be smelling of drink either'
Pat Sweeney quips in - 'Have you got any mints you bo!!**ks ya' 

Of all the sayings, there is one that is pre-eminent in the memory of club members throughout the years at both underage and senior level:

'You only get out of something what you put in to it'

This of course was the opening statement at every AGM from our late President and founder member Jimmy Smith (RIP), when emphasising to young players the level of dedication required to be successful.
One might argue that this statement would apply to anything in life.
We shall let it stand as his epitaph.


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